The Day that Changed Our Lives Forever

March 26, 2014

                You might have guessed it already, but in case you couldn’t figure out my riddle, I’ll just tell you.  We’re PREGNANT! AH!! I had to write all this down so that I remembered and because writing is such a good outlet for me to get things off my chest and think through problems and stuff.  So yeah.  We’re going to be parents…Let me tell you how I found out, how I broke the news to the hubby, and everything else about this crazy, wonderful day!

                It all started probably last week sometime.  So let’s rewind to then.  It sounds weird, but one day I was just like, “Hey. My boobs look bigger.” And I didn’t really think anything of it because I can be crazy sometimes.  Maybe I’m just finally hitting puberty in that area?? Eh, whatever.  But I won’t lie.  Deep down there was a teeny-tiny seed of home that it might have to do with a little alien growing inside me, but I knew that those chances were slim.  Fast forward to Monday, three days ago.  It was so, so, so hard to get out of bed for work that morning.  I don’t know if I had just gotten to bed late, but man.  Then when I got to work I was still just exhausted.  Tuesday was a little better in the amount-of-sleep department, and I even was able to wake up decently coherent.  But then when I got to work…Bam.  Exhaustion hit again.  That was weird.  But I just chalked it up to waking up early.  That night I ended up dozing off around 8:30 because I literally could not keep my eyes open.  I woke up early again this morning  (around 5:30) and the experience was similar to yesterday.  At least it wasn’t a struggle to get out of bed.  I thought today should be better due to going to bed about 2 hours earlier than normal, but again as I got to work, the exhaustion hit.  I could have fallen asleep anywhere if I just closed my eyes long enough.  I thought it was strange that I had gotten so much sleep and was still so tired.  That, along with some odd cramping in my pelvis and an aversion to food after gorging myself on potato chips two days in a row after work, propelled me in the direction of a pee-on-a-stick pregnancy test.  After all, they are the easiest test to take.  So when I got home, I did it.  I peed on that stick.  And I waited.  I will admit that I watched while I washed my hands.  I watched, and that 2^nd little blue line showed up ever so faintly, and my heart started to pound like it wanted to escape!  I decided to step away, and give the test the 2 minutes like it said, and then see.  I was shaking so bad, I could hardly check Facebook or Instagram on my phone to kill the time!  All I could think was “This can’t be happening!  This isn’t happening!”  After a grueling 2 or so minutes, I went back to check.  Sure as day, there was that 2^nd blue line—although a LOT more bold now.  I could hardly believe it.  All I could say was “Oh my gosh, oh my gosh” and “is this real life?” and I had to keep checking the test to make sure I was reading it right.  My next thought was “How am I going to tell Brennen? How is he going to react?”

 I have been thinking about this for a while because, when you’re bored, what else do you think about?  I had seen something on Pinterest that was just really simple and cute so I decided that would be the best route to go.  I left the test on the counter and made a card that said “Brennen” on the front.  On the inside it said “I’m ‘POSITIVE’ you will be a fantastic daddy!” –Yeah, that whole “positive” thing was my idea, not Pinterest.  I felt pretty proud.  The card looked awful because my hands were still shaking and copious amounts of adrenaline were coursing through my body.  I didn’t know when he would be home and I wanted him to know ASAP, so it was going to have to do.  After a few minutes of letting the shock subside, I decided I needed to go walk it off, so I went to check the mail.  That helped tremendously, and I was able to make a new card that actually looked decent.  I set the card up on the counter like a tent and put the test underneath.  And then I waited. 

When he finally came home from school, my heart started pounding again and it was so hard not to keep a straight face.  I was tripping over my words, I was so nervous.  I knew it wouldn’t be long before he headed to the bathroom, but it seemed like it took forever.  When he finally did go in, I followed, and stood outside waiting to see what his reaction would be.  I will tell now that it has been one of my biggest fears that when I tell him that I’m pregnant he will be upset, or angry because he doesn’t think it’s the right time or something like that.  Well, he wasn’t angry or upset, but more in shock like I was.  It was actually rather awkward.  We talked about how neither of us was expecting it, how shocked we were, and how scared we were.  We also talked about how we’ve been married long enough it was probably time to start a family. 

For me, I put it in the Lord’s hands.  I felt like it was the right time, but I wanted Brennen to be sure, so I just prayed that I would have faith in the Lord’s timing.  Now I pray for the same thing, but in a whole new light!  Now that it’s been a few hours and the reality has started to sink in, I feel excited, happy, terrified, unbelieving and all sorts of crazy emotions all at once!  I am happy and excited because apparently it’s time for us to start this journey and I have faith in the Lord’s plan for me.  I am terrified because I don’t know what this pregnancy will be like, how it will affect my body/emotions.  And I’m also terrified of actually being responsible for the life of another human being—other than my husband.  How are we going to afford a baby? I am unbelieving because this is too good to be true.  I can’t really be pregnant, can I? It all feels so surreal.  I feel like I’m almost in denial about the whole thing.  But then I dig that test out of the garbage and there’s my proof.  Two bold blue lines.  

Monday Musings: Working Moms

The Family: A proclamation to the World says, “mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.”  Some people might take that to mean any of the following: 1. Women must stay at home and care for their children. 2. Mothers who work are not good mothers. 3. Mothers who work are unable to teach their children in the home.  Simply put, none of these are true.
My mother has worked outside the home for as long as I can remember.  In fact, she has been at the same job for over 22 years (and I’m 23).  I remember coming home from church one day as a youth, and my mom talking about something that was said in Sunday school.  One ward member (a male) had made a comment along the lines of, “mothers that work outside the home will go to hell.”  Well, you can imagine how any working mother might take that statement.  I don’t remember the details of how my mom reacted, or even how she felt, but I do clearly remember how I felt.   I wanted to find that guy and kick him in the shins.   As a teacher, I have come to realize that the greater learning takes place in the home, not in the classroom.  If children spent as much time in the classroom as they did at home, then the story would be different.  But the truth is kids just can’t sit still for that long.  Plus, the government wouldn’t fund it, but that’s a different argument for a different day.  The argument here is that working moms are unable to teach their children because they fail to be at the “crossroads” of their lives.  That may be so, but let me tell you about what my working mom was able to teach me while working 40 hours a week.
1. My mom taught me to work hard.  Good things do not come to those who sit on their butt.  Things that matter come to those who bite the bullet, get their hands dirty, and get stuff done.  She taught me that no matter what my dream was, all I needed to do to achieve it was put in the hours and elbow grease.
2. My mom taught me to dream.  My mom has always been my biggest cheerleader.  Whatever I wanted to do, she was behind me cheering me on.  Orchestra? Sure thing. Let me find my sister’s old violin so you don’t have to rent again (after I broke the first).  Color guard? Absolutely! Choir? I’ll be at every concert.  Anything I wanted to do, she was behind me 100%.  When it came to what college I wanted to go to, she was more than happy I picked BYU-I.  When it came to my career choice, she couldn’t see me doing anything differently.  Although she couldn’t come to Chicago on Bonnevaire’s tour with me, I knew she was back home, cheering for me.
3. My mom taught me to listen to the spirit.  Her example has always been my biggest teacher.  I really started to take advantage of her wisdom when I was in college.  I always knew that if I had a question, to take it to the Lord and wait for an answer.  She always encouraged me to take advantage of having a priesthood holder in the home and receive blessings from my dad.  When I got my patriarchal blessing, she was right there beside me, taking in all the blessings my life had in store because she brought me into the world
4. My mom instilled in me a love of music.  She taught me to use my talents to bless the lives of others.  Because of her example and encouragement and support, best friends have become like family and my life is richer for it.  I can bear testimony of my Savior in a way that many cannot, and for that I will be forever grateful to her.
5. My mom taught me how to be a mother.  You might not guess it, but yes.  My working mother has taught me more about motherhood than any book written, or lecture given, or scientific study performed ever could.  Because she gave all she had for her family.  Every moment she did not spend at home was spent doing something for or with her family.  The fact that she worked didn’t change that.
You see, not everyone is lucky enough to be a stay-at-home mom.  And those who have circumstances that don’t allow them to be there shouldn’t be condemned for it.  My grandmother passed away when my mother was only 7 months old.  Being the youngest child with the next oldest sibling 15 years older, she was raised by her single father.  She never had a mother.  Not really.  In the big scheme of things, I think she did a pretty good job.  And I think the Lord knows that too, and even though she wasn’t there waiting for us kids after school with milk and warm chocolate chip cookies, I think he’s willing to overlook that.  Because He loves her, and He knows she did the best she could.  So if you meet a mom with a job, before you judge her, take a moment to thank your Heavenly Father that you can be with your kids all day.  Because chances are, the working mom wishes she could be too.